i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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