Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
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You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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