and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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