dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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