1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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