Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
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Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
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I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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