Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I look better un-naked...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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