Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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