When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
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My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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