Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize