Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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