my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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