i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ugly people sure do ruin things
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
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