is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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