that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
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the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NoShamevember. You game?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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