he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
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I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
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I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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