Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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