I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
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im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
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The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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