dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize