it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
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See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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