Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize