I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
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I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
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Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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