I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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