So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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