I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
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he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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