i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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