John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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