I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize