i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
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i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
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My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize