if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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