ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize