Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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