If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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