Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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