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pop tarts are not kleenex
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
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