There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Less talking, more tequila
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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