this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize