i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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