I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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