He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
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we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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