I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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