He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
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as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
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I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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