Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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