Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
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Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
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This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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