new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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