you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize