I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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