Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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