new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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