I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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